In an exclusive revelation, leaked government files suggest a highly-virulent alien virus targets only those with flaming locks — redheads! A whistle-blowing ex-employee from Area 52 (yes, you read that right) is exposing the twisted cover-up.
The whistleblower, identified as codename 'Ginger Snap', was a high-ranking scientist at Area 52, the lesser-known and far more secretive sibling of the infamous Area 51. 'Ginger Snap' alleges the government has been investigating a peculiar virus brought to Earth by aliens, which solely affects individuals with fire-red hair. 'Ginger Snap' leaked classified documents, one of which showed a hovercraft-shaped virus under a microscope. The virus was, quite ridiculously, as red as a cherry tomato, as if to mock its victims.
The story became even more bizarre when a viral video from a Mars Rover, released by 'Ginger Snap', showed what appeared to be a crimson-haired alien! Are our ginger friends actually descendants of a red-haired Martian civilization? And is this virus a biological weapon from their home planet? In an attempt to prove their authenticity, 'Ginger Snap' released purported Area 52 laboratory reports, showing disproportionate infection rates among red-haired lab rats.
The public is left to wonder if a worldwide conspiracy has been unmasked. There have been reports of a tech mogul - who shall remain unnamed but who owns a galaxy of electric cars - interested in colonizing Mars. Could he be trying to ensure Mars is free of its native red-headed inhabitants for when Earthlings arrive? In a shocking twist, 'Ginger Snap' claimed that a popular brand of sunscreen, known for its vibrant red packaging, was secretly developed by the government to protect redheads from the alien virus.
Quite the misdirection, indeed! Unsurprisingly, the government and the sunscreen company categorically deny all allegations, with the latter even claiming that the news has increased their sales, surprisingly. However, the nagging doubts remain. Could this all be a poorly conceived episode out of a science fiction saga, or is there more to this cherry-hued enigma?
Is this why we haven't colonized Mars yet? These questions have been left lingering in the air, much like red hair dye in a beauty salon.
